Happy T- Day!

Just wanted to post what I am most thankful for. At grace before our Thanksgiving meal, my dad was praying a special thanks for Kinsley, Alexandra and Hannah... and in that pause my little Alexandra added "and Samantha". My dad added, and Samantha. I was so happy. So, so happy that my little Alexandra knew my heart and loves her sister that she never met or knew but that she misses just the same. Even at 3 years old. That was a beautiful moment I am very thankful for.

Welcome Kinsley Therese!

My beautiful sister is the mommy of a beautiful baby girl!  She was born 11/06/10 at 8:08 PM 8 lbs 7 oz. And 20 inches.  I wish Samantha was here to celebrate, but it was a joyous day.  Amber is the best mommy of course and Kinsley is a sweetie pie.  Xandra and Hannah love the new baby.  Cousins!

November 2010 Update

Well Hannah had her well checkup this week. She is now 13 lbs 1 oz. and 26.5 inches. She is crawling, pulling up and cruising, and really loves bananas and puffs! She is officially 9 months old and she is really working hard all day, playing and just constantly climbing up to see more.
Alexandra is learning her letters and writes very well. She loves to draw and use a glue stick, and loooves books (no surprise to anyone who knows David). We are doing a preschool with two other moms and their sons 2 days a week which has really worked well. We basically motivate each other to do structured activities with our children. We do a letter for each class and we just did "L". She is 38 lbs and 40 inches tall. She was the average size for a 4 year old! That explained why I am buying 4 and 4t clothing! We as always are impressed with her memory as she recites Annie her newest favorite movie.
Yesterday was All Souls Day. My dad and I went to mass at Our Lady of the Rosary Cemetery where Samantha is buried. It was neat to see all the people with loved ones there, and it was the first time I had seen the new Bishop. It was rainy and cold, I couldn't help remembering another rainy day at that place. I could see the Statue of Our Lady and hear the wind chimes in the tree by the baby area at the cemetery. It was neat to hear mass while I looked at what we call "Samantha's Spot". I cried and remembered my precious girl. They handed me some wildflower seeds and I spread them over Samantha's grave. There is still only a cross over her grave, but we are really close to having a headstone. It is very difficult to come up with the perfect thing to put on your baby's grave. It is healing and painful but I can't wait to see it. It's turning out beautifully. I miss you every moment, Samantha.
On another note, my sister Amber is due any day now!!! We are so excited and we can't wait to meet my niece :) Everyday we are waiting by the phone hoping it is time... but of course as we know, babies come when they want to come, not matter how ready Mommy is! Alexandra and I have been praying every day for a safe and healthy labor and birth and baby and asking Samantha to pray for her too.
Hopefully Amber will allow me to post pics soon!

Pumpkin Patch

I have officially uploaded pics to catch up since fall of 09 on Flickr!!!
I am working on a scrapbook so I was going through all my pics anyway to print out the favorites.
This weekend we went to the Pumpkin Festival in Elgin. It was really fun and Alexandra got to paint a pumpkin and ride a horse. Hannah got pics in the pumpkins which she enjoyed.
David even made an incredible Jack-o-lantern with Tinkerbell on it. Pics to come.
SO we are fully in the swing of fall and getting ready for Halloween.

It was a rough couple of weeks after Alexandra got out of the hospital. You can imagine how hard it would be to see her not being able to breathe and having the same monitors that Samantha and Hannah had in the NICU.
However we are back to play dates and preschool and the library. So although it was scary we are grateful that Alexandra is healthy and home.
Its hard to believe its been 7 months since Samantha passed away. I thought of her the whole day we were in Elgin but I still enjoyed the beautiful weather and time with my family.

Hannah can CRAWL!

Yes you read that right! Well, there may be some debate if it should be called crawling or scooting but... we are excited!!! She is mobile that is for sure
Watch her move below. She is about 12 lbs now (she was at her 6 month checkup where she was perfect)

My new normal

I saw these sleepers and it really expressed how I feel all day every day.  This empty sleeper and the hole in my heart.  I see the space where Samantha should be.  I sold the stroller, returned her clothes, returned the second car seat and I'm working on getting rid of the crib.  But that hole is still there aching like crazy.  I started crying when I saw Haloween costumes.  I'm not sure I can handle the holidays this year.   I feel like our Christmas card should be something like this picture.  Sweet baby Hannah and an emtpy space where my sweet baby Samantha should be.   I still can't believe I have to live the rest of my life without her. I can hardly bear the pain.  My girls help me with the joy they inspire.  I just have to adjust to my new normal.

Alexandra getting a haircut